Last stop on the traveling at the speed of my own whims express. It has been a pleasant surprise that I've somehow been able to evade "extra weight" charges for all my budget airlines flights, especially going from Seoul to Ho Chi Minh where I added a literal years supply of several beloved skincare products to my suitcase. Shout-out to that person who checked my bag for ignoring the 2kgs I was overweight. Going into the last week of Asia travel felt like a slow burn mourning period. At this point, I had completely stopped researching anything I needed to (there was much that needed to be researched), had fallen very behind on personal admin, and neglected a lot of volunteering responsibilities, in the name of its my LAST week of solo traveling Asia (even though I've definitely been telling myself this since Seoul.)
Also, I really wanted to blog about this in vacation Era part II, but totally forgot. When I was in Seoul I witnessed real life waste sorting stations INCLUDING a liquids bucket (IYKYK) in public areas like parks and, convenience stores. etc. It just felt really out of body thinking about how I used to get paid to teach kids and convince adults to use the waste sorting stations in schools, most resistance coming from adults, where at times it felt like literally pulling teeth. To see a society where people are at minimum trying their best to sort their waste accurately, was crazy to me.
Farewell hot Asia summer, a soon distant memory
I've never been to Southeast Asia, so this was a first! I was a little nervous because it felt so unknown, and I knew my phone translator would not be as handy as it had been in East Asia, but I truly had no idea what to even expect or imagine. Ho Chi Minh City, also known as Saigon is known for it's history and apparently is also one of the top cities in the world for street food. When I was doing research online before the trip all the guides and bloggers recommended 2-3 days to explore the whole city, but in the spirit of being in places longer than I have business being, I had planned to stay for a week and half. I was a little worried I'd get bored, but I also figured if anything I'd have some extra rest days. But, as it turns out, 1.5 weeks did not feel like enough time. It felt like the longer I stayed in the city, the more I found out about. So many cool different neighborhoods, and amazing fresh food. My highlights include:
-I signed up for a motor bike street food tour, where all the guides were around my age so it kinda just felt like hanging out with friends, not to mention so much good food like Vietnamese pizza, Hoa fried dough buns, bún bò huế, bo Lá lốt, banana sticky rice, dessert tofu, and of course banh mi. Which, it was actually kind of hard to find a banh mi that I really liked. Similar to Korea, I always claim to loved Vietnamese food, but didn't know very much beyond the few things that have been popularized in the U.S. I'm really glad to have learned more about the cuisine and try so many different things to affirm that I really do love the cuisine! The only thing I will never understand is that so many SEAs love to add sugar to their food so that it's sweet, even if it soup.
-Getting custom shirts made. I've never owned anything that fit so well.
-Explored the different neighborhoods, where I got to see a lot of concept stores, clothing stores, and home goods made by local designers. I actually met someone who is a designer with a cute store in HCM and is actually Vietnamese american from Seattle which was a funny surprise. I always pictured Tokyo as the place I'd like to go to buy all my future homewares, and decor, but HCM really changed things for me.
-Entering a boba milk tea era! I don't think I've ever actually tried milk tea because there are never dairy free options at the boba shops in the U.S., but I found a really good one close to where I was staying and the rest was history.
-I very quickly learned that I was visiting during Vietnamese women's week/day. This meant discounts at soooooo many stores, free flowers, free snacks and swag bags, heck, I even got a FREE gel manicure. That's like at least a $60 value, I was like wow. I also went to the Vietnamese women's history museum which was AMAZING.
-Taking grab motor bikes around the city and romanticizing life
I was honestly so sad to be leaving not just HCM but Asia in general. HCM definitely felt like it had all the things I love about Asia, available in 1 city, so it really just hit me a couple days before leaving how different things would be once I left. Once I fully processed I would not longer be in a place where Asian food is 98% of the choices for every meal, I was panicking. Specifically, I felt really sad about how fruit tea will likely not be so readily available and affordable outside of Asia.
Banana sticky rice
HCM is home to the worlds largest Chinatown
Feminine in an eastern way
There is something about expressions of femininity in mainland Asian countries that I've been trying to put to words that has felt so difficult. When I was in China, I found myself getting a little frustrated at the fact that when I would look at men's clothes, or want to buy them, the workers would often try to steer me away and try to redirect me to the women's section. The past few years I've been really interested in building a more androgynous wardrobe, and also just having full blown masc outfits for when the mood strikes, but its been a years long process because finding things that are the right fit, and the right style, and knowing what the right style is has been really difficult for me. Especially because I so very much wanted to avoid that awkward era of dressing that many genderqueer/non conforming folk go through where you just dress in really outdated, and frankly ugly and basic clothing of the gender your trying to embody, before actually finding your style, if ya know what I mean. That is until I experienced a really intense gender envy a couple years ago and was like "ohhhhhhh so this is what's happening," and was finally able to pinpoint the exact masc aesthetic I was searching for.
Anyways, I have also been reconnecting to my feminine self since COVID lock down, but it's always felt a bit off to me or like I also couldn't quite place what felt most right to me. That is until I started trying to more embody Asian femme beauty aesthetics overs the years, shout-out to my eyelashes era, and orange hair. And now, after having spent 6 months at the source, I have bought certain clothes that have surprised myself; a dress, tops with frills, and skirts. Things I have not felt called to buy in quite some time, and certain silhouettes that I really liked that I didn't expect myself to. And the urge to get my nails and lashes done while in Asia really hit at certain points.
After consulting with my council, AKA my bff of 10 years, I've concluded that the safety and comfort and allure of femininity I've been feeling for the past 6 months, definitely comes from a context completely outside of western femininity that my brain could not compute until now LOL. Like it feels more like it comes from women themselves, and is a performance of power. "Powerful at its core" as my friend put it which I completely agree with. And I think even as it has evolved and modernized with time, it feels more and more for and by those who create it. And I still don't know how to completely describe it, and I think more time and research will marinate these thoughts more, but it really does feel so empowering in so many ways. I think there is also something to be said about how brutally honest people are, and how they understand how to accentuate your features, even though sometimes it comes out crazy.
In conclusion, traveling has definitely affirmed to be me how much gender is really just performance, and I'm really trying to be about preforming for an audience of 1 (myself.) Would love to hear anyone's thoughts on this as it relates to other non-western expressions of femininity.
Eternally trapped in the spiral
So I am officially settled in New Zealand! And as fate would have it, I am once again on an island, once again surrounded by vineyards and farms, once again at the start of summer. Feels in some way like a culmination of little bits and pieces of my experiences the past few months, but this time, with no fruit tea in sight :/ But I am happy to be surrounded by trees, rolling hills, the songs of birds, and water that is a color of blue I've never seen before. Will blog more about NZ in detail later, but for now all I'll say is I'm finally living in the type of place I always thought I'd enjoy living in if I didn't live in a city. Kind of odd to now get to experience If I'd actually like it. Currently trying to create a list of things I am hoping for the year ahead and habits I hope to build. I cannot believe it's November.
